How I Use Reframing to Improve My Quality of Life
In the last two years, I’ve done a ton of work to undo a lot of negative self talk (and let’s be honest, there’s still plenty). Therapy, anti-diet nutrition appointments, surrounding myself with people I admire and curating my social media accounts have all helped. But at the end of the day, I have to put in work to keep the negative thoughts from taking over.
What is reframing? In a nutshell, reframing is taking a negative thought and shifting it to something more neutral or positive. Many of us are really hard on ourselves on a daily basis; ruminating on failures, comparing ourselves to others, negative self talk or even negative talk about others! We’re all human, so all of this is totally normal, BUT when done often, things can get ugly pretty quickly. In the beginning, I found reframing to be annoying. A nagging that felt more like a lie than the truth. But the more I did it, the easier it got and the less it felt like a falsehood. Just like anything else, practice makes progress. Here are some things that have helped me to reframe negative thoughts from mole hills to mountains.
Finding professional help was the biggest game changer. Not only was I able to combat a bout of depression, but I started detangling my self worth from my appearance. To be honest, this is not something I thought I had an issue with. It wasn’t until I starting unpacking my relationship with food that I realized I had issues beyond just fad dieting or “jokingly” calling myself a hideous troll if I didn’t portray ideal beauty standards every day. First I found a therapist that I could connect with; for me that meant a woman around my age that shared my values. Second, I went to my primary physician to discuss starting antidepressants (which I did and am still taking). And third, I found an anti-diet nutritionist who helped me understand my body and how it related to food with without leading me down a path of restriction. I sincerely doubt that I’d be living my life the way it is now if I had not sought out help.
Talking things out with a friend/partner/family member to remind me of the things I am grateful for. Connecting with people I care about has never failed me. Just the other night I spiraled pretty quickly, but talking through the things that are in and out of my control with my husband brought me back down to earth. For about a year (between 2021 and 22), I was hiding a lot of sadness and anxiety. I was crying a lot behind closed doors and in my car before and/or after work. I didn’t want to burden others with my negative thoughts and I chalked everything up to just being stressed. Once I realized I was going through depression and not just “being a baby” I told my husband and we started looking for a therapist. Opening up to my family about the secret struggle I had been going through helped me decide to *leave my career of swim coaching and start looking out for myself instead of everyone else.
I decided to live a life of body neutrality. This meant paying more attention to how my body feels versus how it looks. To some this may sound like I gave myself permission to “let myself go”; but in reality it gave me permission to stop judging my worth and others worth based on appearance. It taught me that health doesn’t look a certain way, that there is more to your body changing than what you eat or how you move. That I deserve to live my best life even if I don’t like the way I look.
When I’m having a harsh body image moment, I take a second look to remind myself of all the things my body does for me. Sometimes that look is in the mirror, sometimes it rewatching a video or studying a picture. The video here is a great example of how I was able to reframe all the things I originally didn’t like. You’ll see that my first reactions were all about my body image and the second reactions were about the progress I’ve made physically through an injury and what my body is currently doing for me every day. I look at a video or picture and notice the emotions on my face, take in my surroundings and who I was with. When in the moment, sometimes it’s as simple as saying to myself that it’s ok if I don’t like the way I look because my appearance does not equal my value.
*I have the privilege of a duel household income, health care and a social and familial support system. But changing the way I talked to and about myself has made an indelible mark on my life and in some ways saved me from myself. If you’re struggling with any mental health issues, seek out support wherever you can find it…at home, in the gym, with a professional or in your community. I promise you won’t regret it.
