A Word on Body Commenting
The holidays are here and with them come family gatherings, meet ups with friends and office parties. These situations lend the perfect opportunity for your great aunt to mention how good you look or your cousin to ask if you noticed that Uncle Bob has gained a lot of weight.
While it seems harmless to give someone a compliment or gossip about someone else’s appearance, the reality is we don’t know why someone looks the way they do, what they are going through, their health status, their mental state or if they consider your “compliment” a compliment. Comments on someone’s body can be harmful even with the best intentions but furthermore, it perpetuates the idea that our appearance makes us more or less valued, worthy, healthy and ambitious.
Let’s take the above two instances, your aunt says, “You look great! What are you doing that keeps you looking so good?” Meanwhile, you may be struggling with your body image and though she thinks you look good, you don’t and now you’re anxious the rest of the night about how you look. Instead of asking if you’re enjoying your work or a new hobby you picked up, the focus was on your appearance. You might respond, “I’ve been really into (enter hobby/interest here) lately and that’s really been helpful in shifting my focus from my appearance to things that I enjoy.”
In another scenario, your cousin comes over and says, “Did you see how big Uncle Bob got? Why won’t he take care of himself?” Most likely, your cousin has no idea what Uncle Bob’s health is like and is perpetuating the myth that bigger means you can’t be in good health. On top of that, now you’re wondering what they are thinking about how you look. In this instance you may come back with, “Studies show that you can be healthy at any size and besides, his health status really isn’t our business. I wonder if he’s still doing (enter hobby/interest here), he is so good at that.”
No matter the case, commenting on bodies is harmful and not necessary. Instead of commenting on how you or someone else looks, drive conversation towards what you/they enjoy doing, what you/they are good at. I double dog dare you to challenge someone when you hear them comment on someone else’s body. How can you flip the conversation away from appearance and lend a second view on why we shouldn’t make body comments. After all, our appearance is the least interesting thing about us!
Some basic reminders:
Body commenting perpetuates the idea that the way a body looks makes a person more or less worthy. Usually, heavier bodies bear the brunt of this misconception and it is extremely harmful.
You don’t know what a person is/has gone through for their body to make a significant change. They be going through an eating disorder or other major illness, grief, reacting to medication or just plain living life!
Negative habits can be reinforced. Commenting on a person’s appearance can give them “permission” to continue to self harm, whether that’s physical or psychological.
It’s simply NONE of your business what a person looks like or how they decide to dress it. Point blank.
Swap out, “You look great.” with “I love your energy.”; “Have you lost/gained weight?” with “I’m really glad you’re here.”; “Have you been working out?” with “I’m so glad we get to spend time together.”
